Saturday, October 23, 2010

I have a love hate relationship with weekends. I desperately need them in order to survive, but about six hours in I'm praying for Monday.

We still have a full day left - which will involve church, which is quite a struggle with toddlers and no nursery - and already they have spilled water, spilled knefla soup, beat the living daylights out of each other, threatened to "blow a gasket all up in here," eaten too many muffins, and ruptured my ear drums exactly sixteen times. Mya has taken her panties off more times than I can count and Alex has a thumb-sucking sore on his mouth. I can just about recite the entire script of Charlotte's web and Oh, The Places You'll Go.

Alex would like to know when he can have three more brothers and Mya would like some sisters. Alex wants a $159 train set for Christmas, but does not want to have less toys than everybody else and does not want me to work ever, much less overtime, to pay for it. Mya wants every toy at Toys R Us and can't even rule out one to make the Christmas list a little easier to fulfill. Both are intrigued and frightened by the mouse on the porch that has yet to make an appearance.

On a positive note, I did get Mya to snuggle me for twenty minutes this morning, although she rejected the swaddle. Alex cleaned his room to surprise me, and drew me a picture of his numbers one through eight and a happy face who was very proud of his number-writing skills. Mya thanked me for the oatmeal this morning (which I told her was apple cinnamon when it was actually peach, to avoid a fight) and Alex brushed my hair for four minutes and twelve seconds. I managed to make knefla for lunch without a cold trip to the grocery store and snuck in a shower without numerous interruptions or a house fire when I emerged. Also found a bottle of Hog Wash in the fridge - can't determine its origin - which the kids passed up for milk. I also didn't get out of bed until 630 this morning :)

Off to do 4.9 loads of laundry, 33 dishes, and 1000 square feet of floor scrubbing.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Apparently with three years of living comes a fair amount of independence. Mya is feisty and fiercely independent this week, escaping snuggles and tickles like they could result in serious bodily harm. She fist pumps, break dances, and is - as I speak - bent over with her arms around Alex's knees to see if she can carry him. She can't.

She was stung in the eye by a wasp this afternoon. I felt sad for her and wished I could take her pain, but was grateful for such a wonderful opportunity to see Alex's heart. He comforted her the best he could, and when he was unable, he sobbed for her. "Mya, will that squirrel make you better? Would you like to watch a train pass, Mya? Would that help? Do you need a special scoop of ice cream?"

They are good kids with beautiful hearts :) We are so blessed!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

We had our first session of women's Bible study at church tonight. Childcare was provided (and so appreciated!) along with coffee and deliciousness.

We discussed idols. Do you worship God but serve other idols? Do you identify first and foremost as a child of God or as something else, i.e. mother, employee, hippie, activist, citizen, or wife? To whom do you give your valuable resources like time, focus, money, and heart?

I try to hold myself accountable to God's expectations for worship, and I notice that I tend to struggle with the identifying portion of it. I often feel defined by motherhood specifically and feel that I serve that idol before God frequently. It is demanding and urgent, it seems, and it's easy to lose focus of my own heart and desire for truth and growth in the spirit, and instead focus on the macaroni boiling or the milk on the floor or the check for school pictures or the halloween costumes I ordered three days too late.

Tonight I pray that God helps me stay focused in both my worship and my service. I fully trust that if I focus my heart on him and pursue him steadfastly, he will change the monster responsibilities into mere details of daily living.

And kitchen smells like tuna. Off to clean.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

ridiculously incredible...because it's an awesome thing to say.

I found a man who places greater value on the beauty within than the beauty without.

This is so incredibly different from everything I have ever known and is challenging me in a new and amazing way. Instead of practicing my makeup techniques, doing a little extra yoga, and replacing my thrifty wardrobe, I must seek Christ and his power and willingness to restore and make whole and beautiful. In order to please this amazing man of God, I must know God, must seek his heart, obey his commands for my life, and love myself through his eyes. In order to accept his love I must trust that I am a child of God, valuable and pleasing.

How can I doubt that this is God's desire when it requires such intimacy with the Holy Spirit in order to move forward and so wonderfully glorifies God throughout the process?

Amazing how God's gifts to us ultimately bring the glory back to him. I am ever grateful for this beautiful mess (God being beautiful and me being the mess!) that is my life.
I had a bad day. It started out bad, continued badly through the middle, and almost ended badly. My poor lovely babies must deal with my imperfections, my human failings, and my selfishly indulgent moments that tend to bring more heartache than satisfaction.

Luckily, my children offer redemption for a price. I bought forgiveness for my impatience with six stories, three poems, four tickles, and two home made peanut butter cookies with cold milk.